When Eowyn was seven her father was killed by orcs, and her mother soon after died of grief, leaving Eowyn and her brother Eomer to go and live with Thoeden, a widower with one son. It’s not that Eowyn was raised like a boy – when we meet her she is very much the lady of the Golden Hall – but that she grew up without any female role models. She grew up hearing stories of great warriors, of watching her brother and cousin train to be great warriors, of learning from her uncle, a (you guessed it) great warrior. For Eowyn, glory in battle was the way to prove your worth. But she was a woman, and glory in battle wasn’t really an option for her in Rohan.
Then comes Aragorn, this mysterious great warrior from a distant land. And Eowyn thinks that this is her chance. She could go with Aragorn, find her glory fighting alongside him outside the constraints of Rohirric society. But he refuses. Because battle isn’t Eowyn’s only chance for glory. While she’s trying to find a way to the battle field, Theoden has placed her in charge of Rohan while he and Eomer are gone. They’re all expecting to die, so really what he’s doing is placing Eowyn on the throne. She would rule over all of Rohan, and there is a lot glory in that kind of duty.
But it’s not what Eowyn wants. For all that Aragorn and her brother and her uncle assure her that there is no cage waiting for her, in Eowyn’s mind she can only prove her worth on the battle field. And since proving your worth to yourself is more important than anyone else, she keeps trying. She takes a disguise and travels with the army anyway. And she fights the Witch King, doing something that nobody else on that battle field could have done, killing Sauron’s second in command. She finds her glory, and finally proves her worth to herself.
It’s while healing that she meets Faramir. And if there’s anybody else in Middle Earth that understands the need to prove your own worth, it’s Faramir. And here’s where Eowyn shows that she’s really amazing. She lets go of her dreams of battles. Not because she can’t be the shieldmaiden and the lady of Ithilien at the same time, and not because anyone is going to stop her. Tolkien says that “the heart of Eowyn changed, or else at last she understood it.” She’d achieved her goal: she’d fought in a great battle and did glorious things, her story is already being put to song across Gondor, she’s earned renown as the Lady of the Shield Arm. But most importantly she has proved to herself that she is worthy. And now, comfortable in her own skin, she move on to making herself happy by letting herself have this, have Faramir. And that takes a level of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and strength that most people don’t have.
Released from her self-imposed expectations, Eowyn happily marries Faramir and settles with him in Ithilien, where they have a son. Frankly she’s one of the few independent women in Middle Earth that ends up with such a happy life, and I think it’s because she knew what she wanted in life, she insisted on getting it, and then when she had it, she was wise and strong enough to let it go and move on.
SOURCES: LOTR, LOTR Appendices
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